XV. Monsignor Paul talks about ironing newspapers

Father Hyacinth came to monsignor Paul’s cell at eight o'clock in the morning, after breakfast and a mass, to borrow the latest weekly reviews. Monsignor Paul was just ironing his trousers with an iron borrowed from sister Iperitia, who acted as a majordomo in the convent of regular canons.

It reminds me, said monsignor Paul, reaching for a sprayer – of what I read once about English servants, that they ironed newspapers before presenting them to milord. But whether they used a cloth and at what temperature, that’s the question!

Why don’t we try this as well, with today's newspapers” he said, and before Jacek's father could blink, he removed the unbuttoned trousers from the board, put them on a chair, and reached for the first magazine, the one with a red cover. – “Let’s try with a cloth first” - and he started ironing. After a minute a sweet smell came out.

Oh, my, monsignor Paul groaned falsely. - The whole cloth good for nothing. But look at the newspaper, jolly good. Only you have to separate the pages…

"Thank you very much," father Hyacinth said brazenly, taking the battered opinion column with two fingers and lifting it to his eyes - all the opinions glued together in one jingle of opinions.

 It's called a digest – said monsignor Paul – and that reminds me of an ancient story I read once. A disciple came to the hermitage of abba Matthaeus and asked him: give me a simple word, abba. Abba Matthaeus threw a hot iron at him. Later the disciple asked: what did you want to say, abba? Abba Matthaeus replied: You have to be as hot as this iron, then they will iron newspapers with you. But beware, because with a cold iron they will clean newspapers. And what about color press, abba, it will smear a hot iron as well? – the disciple inquired. - Do not spoil my metaphor, replied abba Matthaeus and banged the disciple over the head with a hydraulic press he kept under his bed.

 Actually, newspapers are very useful to clean irons, my mom told me once - father Hyacinth revoked last remnants of his practical knowledge about household.

It’s a pity that I do not keep a hydraulic press under my bed, thought monsignor Paul.